I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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