I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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