You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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