is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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