Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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