i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
