You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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