Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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