Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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