i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize