I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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