so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
