i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
