Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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