there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
