My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
