Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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