he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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