i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
