I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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