The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The Olympian is in my bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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