your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
