You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
