I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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