): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
