just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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