Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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