I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
