Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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