That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
