if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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