one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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