needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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