this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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