I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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