I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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