You're my little dorito
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.