I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.