so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girls should come with a carfax report
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I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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