Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...