Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do