did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.