Barsexuality is the new black.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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