You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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