It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
