Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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