I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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