trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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