i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
