try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
