hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
