I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
