if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
