can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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