I wish i was in the wii world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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