i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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