Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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