his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
