He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
someone owes me an orgasm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
