i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
