I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
