My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
