just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
