how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
