i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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