you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
