If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
