She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
