just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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